A day in the Twilight Deliverance Zone

Today was an interesting day, to say the least. If nothing else, by the end of the day, I was convinced, once again, that I would rather work with my mind instead of my back, given the alternative. Today I worked from 9-4 as a duct cleaner.


I found this job because the owner of the business posted his number on a highway. I called him yesterday and told him I could start today. I left a message initially, and he returned my call. He first asked my age, (illegal, by the way), and then if I had any back problems. (I had a triple lumbar fusion six years ago, but I was not about to tell any future employer that.) He called me again last night at 9:30 and wanted to know if I could work today and we agreed to meet at 9:00 a.m.


The day started with me arriving at the pre-designated area. The owner arrived 15 minutes late, and said he ran out of gas. Apparently, he carries five gallons, but he needed to stop for a fill up at the station. His truck’s gas gauge did not work. Neither did the driver’s side door, but he is very resourceful: he secures it with rubber utility straps. With a lurch and a downshift, the truck was off and we headed down the highway to the first cleaning.


The owner’s politics is something that would make Timothy McVeigh envious. He talked incessantly regarding the 13 Jewish Members of the Cabal controlling the Federal Reserve Bank, how they and the illuminati dated back to Patrick Henry and how the Jews did everything from arranging the assassination of Abraham Lincoln, to Huey Long and JFK. We have never been to the moon, 9/11 was all staged by the government, and the Pope has 666 on his Mitre, (he did not know the word). Jesus was not a Jew, and the Jew’s were primarily responsible for communism in Russia and the pogroms visited upon them. He knew all about the Clinton’s 148 assassinations to gain power and how many FBI agents died as soon as they left the service. He felt that our current administration is part of G-d’s wrath and that we are reaping what we deserve.


We finally arrived at the client's home. The homeowner is a professional and an author. I had much more in common with the homeowner than I did with my “boss.” The boss was prattling on about the New World Order and the homeowner brought out three of his books. I scanned two of the chapters, and then asked a couple of pertinent questions regarding his theories. The boss decided he then needed the air hose, so I schlepped it inside.


We cleaned the ducts, and then I sat in the truck and ate my lunch while the boss got a check from the homeowner. The homeowner and I had exchanged emails already. The boss asked me if I knew anything about computers. I told him I had been putting them together since the 80-88s came out for the general market. He asked me that was and I explained that it was the first IBM based computer I started to explain that I got out of computer assembly once you had to start changing jumper settings on the mother boards. His eyes glazed over so I just shut my mouth.


We went to the next house and the boss said he was going to try and "sell" this job. He came out 15 minutes later and told me it was a “no sale,” and that the bible says that “all men are liars.” We drove around the city trying to get his shoes from the cobbler, (closed), and to his daughter to get something else, (could not find her new home), and finally to the post office, where he had mail from David Duke’s group, (seriously), waiting for him. All through our drive, he told me about his one son, who is a preacher and sells supplements at a 50% profit, a daughter, who has mental and substance abuse problems, his first marriage to an alcoholic and his second marriage which ended in divorce 9 months later. All the while, we would pass various geographic locations and he would tell me how he had bid on this location or that one for a business and they all fell through. Based upon the condition of his truck, and his ancient equipment, my guess was that his business acumen did not match his hyperbole.


Based on his misogynistic comments, I do not think he was much of a success with the ladies, either. The boss did tell me about one extra-marital conquest: apparently his brother in-law had “incested” sic his wife and so as payback after his wife had died from alcoholism he slept with his brother-in-law’s wife. We saw two girls who looked at the most to be 19 walking down the street. The Boss made a comment, and I said that I thought they looked a little young to me. He grumbled something half under his breath.


I felt like soon I would be asked to squeal like a pig or that Jerry Springer would jump out from the back of the truck’s cab and ask my opinion on the day. By this point, it was 4:00 p.m. and we had arrived back where we started. He said I should call him in a couple of days because he would have more work. He talked about his various plans for the summer and I could tell his plans had me in mind. I could tell he seemed pleased at the thought of having a full time lackey at his disposal. He opened up his wallet and handed me a twenty and a five. I saw another twenty in his wallet, but he said he needed to wait until he got some change and that he would have to “owe” me.


So, for all that, I got twenty-five smackers. I am sure I spent a gallon of gas getting there and back and I bought two energy drinks at the carry out when the boss stopped to buy himself some pizza. So, I probably netted 21 dollars for seven hour’s work.


Now, this guy is a small businessman who takes risks every day and tries to make a buck. I doubt if he reports any of his income. His dream presidential ticket is Ron Paul and Jesse Ventura. I listened to him field several more calls during the day and each time he asked the person’s age. I politely told him that this was illegal, and he said, “That is man’s law, not G-d’s law.” All in all, he is an old man, with no close relationships, and he struggles out an existence all while loathing society. I am pretty sure if I had bothered to scratch the surface, he would certainly blame his own personal woes on either the papacy, the 13 Jewish families of the Illuminati and the influences of the “Clintoneastas” or the “Bush Crime Family.” He proved two things to me today: 1) time wounds all heels; 2) I had better buckle down like never before and study for that bar, because I do not want to repeat a day like this anytime soon.


Think I should call him again?